No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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