I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
