so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
