11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize