Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
