Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
