I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
