Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Two words: nipple clamps
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