Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
