she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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