I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
