i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
