Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
