I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
