How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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