i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
