Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
