I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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