if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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