i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize