Cold hands, warm shart.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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