Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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