oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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