I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Randomize
