Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
