I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
