i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
