I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
