I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
