i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
