dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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