Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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