I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
sex in a hospital.. check
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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