In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
