So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
