You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
