Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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