So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
