Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My life is pants optional.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
