Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
