White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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