I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
