she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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