Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
