she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
