the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
