You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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