According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
