Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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