I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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