well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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