walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
