Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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