We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
