His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
