beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
