He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
