im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Still dying that you shit outside
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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