you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
