Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He did a backflip because drugs
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
