Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize