READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
