Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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