And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
