I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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