It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
