K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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