yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
