I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
