when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
